and there are other times when you need it to stop, if only for a moment, so you can catch up...
I was brought back about a decade this week to a few specific times in my time where my world spun as I learned to hang on to God, my anchor, because circumstances were so much bigger than me. One was somewhere amidst the chaos of the first month in my first year of teaching when one of my fifth graders was diagnosed with leukemia along with the last month of school talking through tears as this little girl's mom talked about her daughter being created for twelve years of life... and that was all as we readied ourselves for that little girl's funeral. No mistakes. She wasn't taken early or before her time, but her days were numbered and they were twelve years... The other was in a doctor's office when the news came that something was wrong with the baby inside of me, my firstborn. These events change our lives... for the worse, but also the better if... we allow our souls to be grown by the only one who can make something beautiful out of so much pain and sadness rather than letting it shrivel and die inside. The other was in another hospital bed, looking at an ultrasound of a still, unmoving baby inside me. Death.
I've been thinking more on our number of days we are given as cancer was delivered into our world on New Year's Eve as my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Cancer doesn't equal the end, but it always gives one perspective to remember this place is not our home and some day we will leave it. It tests and confirms our view on eternity. Is this world really not our home? Are our hopes and dreams here... or there?
You always hope that your faith will sustain you when you get this kind of news, but it is nothing short of perfection to get a first hand glance of the beauty of that "peace that passes all understanding" as it wraps it's heavenly arms around the one who walks in it. Mom is remarkably calm and trusting to walk this road she never asked for nor anticipated. She is confidant that "He who began a good work, will be faithful to complete it." She knows whom she has believeth and is persuaded that He is able. She remembers that his grace is sufficient for today and worrying about tomorrow is senseless.
We appreciate your prayers as our family faces this giant once again. Two grandparents have had forms of cancer, my dad has had a chunk of skin cancer removed from his face and now mom... Mom is the first on her side of the family. She is the baby of six kids. No history. God is sovereign. He is good. My circumstances don't change who He is, but his grace changes who we are amidst those circumstances.
If you have a few moments I know you would be blessed to listen to this sermon by John Piper called Sorrowful Yet Always Rejoicing. This is where we aim to be :)
Here's the link: