The Lord has used Abby to teach us a thing or two about agape love. We love without any expectation of reciprocation of any kind. She has been through seasons of apparent indifference and those of obvious intentional affection. The desert seasons of not only lack of love, but the replacement of that affection with aggression wounds me to the core of who I am... I don't need much. I set my own needs aside every day, yet it's like payday when I get those pudgy arms around my neck and the sweet voice whispering in my ear, "I wuv you mommy." See, it doesn't take much to fill my cup... or so I thought
hmmm... moments like this take my breath away
to think of all my Savior has done for me, yet what I have to offer back slaps me back to the reality I call my life.
apparent indifference vs. obvious intentional affection... ohhhh! how I live in both places with Him too. My love for Him is oft not so easily seen or readily felt by Him or those around me. Oh! if only I could learn to love like He does... constant and unconditional
In walks Abby. My love for her is just that... always and forever. True, self sacrificing, and completely vulnerable because I can be that with her. I love her because of who she is...mine- not for what she does or doesn't do. Simply, perfectly exactly the way she is. All of her. From her beautiful "growing into a young lady" in body, yet childishness trapped inside, from the tips of her tiny toes to her glowing head of hair. I love her. I'd do anything for her...
a glimpse into the heart of my Heavenly Father. He's teaching me to love not only this vulnerable angel he placed into my arms, but if showing me that if I'm capable of that kind of love with her...
I can be with you too. Be careful what you pray for, He might just answer your prayers.
I'm trying to edit my post and am laughing at my entirely uneventful thoughts of this week. Andy was gone. I did a bigger doctor visit alone, a blood draw drama of two pokes and a lot of blood pouring from her arm when the needle fell out, and an x-ray. The day ended with a ride home with a very angry Abby (and rightly so) trying to take it out on MaryAlice who just happened to be within her arms length and MA sobbing while I nearly hyper-extend my arm trying to hold Abby's arm so she couldn't pinch her baby sister. Wednesday I spent my hours "off duty" making and delivering pies for a school fundraiser. Thursday night Andy came home and we took turns holding a sick Abby and cleaning up vomit. I tell myself that I'm a veteran "special" parent that's why these things don't move me like they used to and they're barely worth mentioning, but in keeping true to my efforts to be open these are the good days I don't share. Maybe you'll see behind the smirky fake smile I put on because I haven't been able to process the crazy myself.