Sunday, October 31, 2010

Pig Roast

If it were all about me, which is where I often start, I would be pretty down; but as I recover from my "world of one", I realize it all went very well! 
 If I simply enjoyed a good party like my boy, 
 If I focused on the fun time with really great friends who I'm excited to get to know better,
 If I could see past myself...
I'd have a better attitude and would get rid of the pit of humiliation in my gut...

I am a work in progress.  I am more than I used to be, but far from the person I want to be.
If I was the same person I used to be I wouldn't care so much, but in the spirit of growth and genuine love and intentionality to show that love, I realize how very short I fall from the person I think I've grown into.
I want to be the kind of family who attracks others, who people want to be around, who are warm and welcoming; but, is that who we are?  I might've blamed our crazy world for scaring people away, but that's probably not entirely true.  Sure, we take some getting to know because we can't do everything all the time, but...

My world didn't show up...
It's not about me and what I want the Lord to do, but about what He wants and
That's who showed up.

The new world...  those looking for love in a community of insiders... 

The old families that stick together and leave the rest of the world to look in from the outside...
My world.
Didn't show up.
I thought they would
I never prepared myself for the not

My Pride... took a hit!  I had visions of "my people" wanting to be a part of our lives...
I know it's not a final statement, but it's a statement all the same.  
I'm not one of them
I probably never really was (to no fault of my own)
I may never be, but it doesn't mean I stop trying...

I'd like to step away (run), but I'm compelled now from above to keep at it...
I'm better at leaving
I'll stay
humbled more... much more than I like, but...
willing to stay for the love of the old... and the new
drawn more to the new now than I was before, but still trying to love both...
can't help but love
compelled by that love...

All because of a pig
"I eat piggy,"  as MaryAlice says
I ate pride... I bet it won't be the last dose of that...
I have so much further to go
I get weary in the pursuit of being the me He wants me to be

1 comment:

  1. Trying to think about how many times I have said your last sentence lately (for myself). It is tiring, isn't it? I suppose it is why it takes a whole lifetime.


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