Sunday, June 14, 2009

grumpy Israelites

Many times I've read the account of the Israelites grumbling and complaining in the wilderness and have been disgusted at the whole pathetic story. How could they grumble and complain after all the amazing miracles the Lord performed for them time and time again? Then I look at myself and I'm more dismayed than I ever could be with them.

We just returned a week ago from an amazing vacation with Andy's entire family. My joy and thankfulness for the wonderful time ended less then 24 hrs after we arrived home. Andy had to leave Monday morning (12 hrs after getting home) and wouldn't return until the following Saturday. I gained two more babies, had to reinstall 5 car seats into our old van since the new one was wrecked, buy groceries and figure out what to do with a wrecked van and a broken washer/dryer. I was grumbling 12 short hours after we I was praising the Lord for 51 hours in the car with fairly happy kids and a fun, thoroughly enjoyable trip to see family. Not real impressive. If that wasn't enough... here I go again.

Andy took the red eye out of LA Friday night to get into the Twin Cities around 6 am and drive home just in time to drive another hour to attend the wedding of one of the really special gals who has worked with Abby for the past couple of years. We were so excited to have him home expecially after the feast and famine we've had going from total daddy time to no daddy time. Andy, Belle and I attended the wedding and had a blast together! Basking in the glory of the wonderful evening I found myself grumpy by morning as I tried to make Father's Day plans only to find out that Andy won't be attending since he will leave again Sunday morning and won't return once again until the next Saturday (or Sunday).

My instinct is to react in anger at him, but what basis do I have? Should I be angry that he is working? Would I prefer to live in a cardboard box down by the river? Lonely? Yes. Wanting to do life with him on a more regular basis? Yes. Am I wrong in my desires? Probably not in my desire, but in my anger toward him because of the job the Lord has provided... definitely. Ouch! I've been spoiled by the past couple of years with him after spending nearly seven as a part time single mom. This road is not the one I would have chosen, but my path I've found seldom is. Once again, "I didn't sign up for this," but I did agree long ago to let the Lord be in control... not me. His ways haven't been my ways, but they are better... tougher, but better. I wouldn't be half the person I am today if I had taken my own way. Yeilding to Him is often painful in the process, but the end always justifies the means.

So I thank the Lord for His provisions. Ask Him for the desires of my heart. Find contentment in that He knows where we are and wait on him to move my desires or change his provisions. I am so like those pathetic Isrealites wandering in the desert... much to my disgust.


  1. Great post! I often feel the same way.

    I like to think that we are in much better position because unlike the Isrealiites we are able to see the errors in our way.

    Also, remember it is not ok to ask God accusatorily, but it is ok to ask God inquisitively.

  2. Hey beautiful! You came to my mind today and I sent a prayer up on your behalf. Praying that HIS grace is indeed amazing!
    Luv you


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