Let me explain.
After Millie had the brain bleed and we spent those months in the ICCU, I realized Abby wasn't going to be "our thing". Birthing and raising her wasn't going to be the only thing that defined our lives. It is just one of them (albeit still a a big one), but not the only one. It was one of those "Ah-ha" moments. I'm pretty sure it was just the Holy Spirit preparing me for this life. I was oddly not discouraged or dismayed, but calmed and maybe even weirdly empowered.
We can spend our entire lives "waiting for the shoe to drop" or "that phone call that will change your life", but then we realize we've wasted SO much time waiting for bad things to happen rather than loving and living the life we've been given.
That one event taught me two important lessons about hard things:
- Our lives would always be bigger than us. I'd never be able to handle my life without HIS help.
- He always provides. This event was "above my pay grade" like many before it, so HE'd have to handle it. I could not.
- There will be more tough days ahead, but I need not fear them.
"urethral diverticula," the urologist said. I asked him to spell it because I had no idea what he was talking about.
"How far are you willing to travel," was the next thing out of his mouth.
"You won't find it if you google it for a child because it's congenital. I've only seen a case, and I'd like to send you to Boston, Philadelphia or Seattle for the surgery," he proceeded.
Now he had my attention, so I asked a few more questions such as the urgency of the surgery and the need for a specialized specialist. We concluded with a plan for him to contact some doctors and try to find one who would take on her case since there weren't doctors who do this, and we'd follow up in a week or two to discuss what he found.
It's not acute, thankfully; but it will need to take place in the near future or it will cause infections and become emergent. We want to take care of it before it comes to this. It may have caused the one that landed her in the hospital. It is similar to intestinal diverticulitis which is pouches in the intestines as this is a pouch off the urethra.
There was a peace that came over me like a blanket in the days that followed. It seems cheesy to say, but this is how it came...
I felt a picture of royal blood pumping through my veins. This strength HE is building in me through the struggle is real. As in Jewish tradition of daily prayers that include remembering the God who delivered them out of Egypt, HE too reminded me of the events where HE has carried me. I usually try to start on my own strength, but then refer to HIM when it gets too big for me. This time I could feel the strength building inside of me.
It was different because I know the LORD will take care of us. I don't speak out of hope or just promises in the Bible (although we can take those to the bank too), but from experience. Those promises I've claimed in the past are seared into my soul. They are no longer words on a page, but a part of who I am because of who HE is in me.
I know HE has a good plan for our lives. If it means taking a trip across the country, then he will provide the details. See? I've done bigger than me. I'm not going to enter my cycle of despair. Been there, done that. Not fun or helpful.
I'm hopeful the doctor with come back with an option closer or in a place I have close family or friends, but if not there's a reason we go where we go.
My tears now are not for me but for Abby. I hate this for her, but I know MY GOD is HER GOD too!
We ask prayers for wisdom for our doctor and favor with other doctors to take it on. When we find out details, I'll post with prayers for specific provision.
With a grateful heart, I thank you in advance for your continued love and prayers for us. We are blessed by you.