Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Tennis, glasses, hearing aides, art, words and a leaky vessel

"Lord, when will this get easier?  I've been doing this for over a year, and I'm tired.  When can I stand on my own two feet and not need you so much?"
(Insert vomit)
Seriously, this was my prayer a few weeks ago.  Somewhere snuggled in HIS arms while He carried me through the past year, I still have a desire to be more independent of  Him.  It's really quite sickening, I know.  As soon as it came out of my mouth I wanted to take it back, but even if it wasn't audible He already knew.  My pride wants to not be such a mess, but He wants to use me within my mess.
Where are we?
  • Abby is doing great!  We have a wonderful (God given) team that helps us with her and she has been "Happy Abby" for at least a month now.  We continue to check of the specialists she needs to have here, and albeit a daunting task it's been good.  She needs an hearing aide and glasses.  Maybe not hearing well and barely seeing has made her a bit testy?  

  • Annabelle is growing in sweetness and independence.  I'm so proud of her growth, but each step forward reminds me of the little time we have with our kids in our homes.  She has a wonderful group of friends who are really sweet girls.  She just got back from her class trip to Kentucky where they took in a Reds baseball game, visited the hall of fame, rode a camel, took a ride on the riverboat and spent the night at the creation museum.  She's also taken up tennis and has been practicing with the team at her school.  She loves school and fuse (youth group).  
  • MaryAlice cracks me up daily!  She is Millie's favorite person next to mama most likely because she is entertainment on two legs.  She is an artist down to the core.  She draws and colors whenever she's not doing school.  She dances and sings pretty much all day.  The drama in her little body truly amazes and confuses me.  We're pretty much wrapping up school and trying to figure out what she will do next year.  She loved CBS (Community Bible Study) this year and my summer goal is to connect with some more friends her age as she desperately wants friends.  Grandpa and Grandma just visited and she was attached to Grandpa's side... it was darling.
  • Millie is walking!  Physical therapy called yesterday to see if I was okay to put her on hold for a month or two to let her get more steady in her walking before we tackle a new skill if needed. We're still trusting she'll start hitting milestones on her own and not have a need for it, but also grateful for the wonderful therapist friends we've made who work so faithfully with our angel. She's also making progress with talking as she says many word approximations now and really loves to see the speech therapist.  Millie lights up our life and we're seriously over the moon with our little gal.  She is adored by all of us and is starting to realize it.  Not sure if she gets it, but every time we say "no" she pats the bump on her head... coincidence?  
This sort of read like a Christmas letter... HA!  All this was to say that God has SO taken care of us.  He gives strength each day and blesses us for no reason other than HE CAN.  The struggles are always unmatched by His blessings.  I'm in awe one day and doubting the next.  Such an ugly fight.  
I shared an abbreviated version of our story at CBS last week.  I have a story to tell and will always say "Yes" when asked to share it, but inside I cringe because I know how hopeless I am when it comes to speaking without melting into a pool of tears.  I begged God to let me be cool and calm, but "His ways continue to be higher than mine" and I ended up somewhere in between.  I did get it all out, but it was with a shaky voice and a pause to keep from losing it.  PRIDE... I sat down disgusted with my lack of eloquence and unchecked emotion, but looked up to find there wasn't a dry eye in the building... He continues to use me best as a leaky, imperfect pot... go figure.
I haven't blogged much as I've begun to serve as a volunteer writer for my church and will contribute to articles and/or devotions.  It's challenging and growing me.  I'm grateful for the opportunity to be mentored by such amazingly talented folds, but also humbled with my slow progress.  I've had a hard time finding the time or words to blog with all I'm learning, so I often don't know where to start anymore, but I trust I'll find my voice again in the process.  

1 comment:

  1. After reading this just now the word "Sweetness" comes to me. 2 Corinthians 2:14 But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the SWEET aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place.
    You are letting the sweetness of Jesus flow through you and it's a precious thing! Blessings! Jessica Brewton


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