Thursday, February 12, 2015

You are my kind of crazy, friend

she can be so sweet... wish we could keep that one
I see you, mom.  Yes, you.  Not the one struggling to get your screaming child out of the store, but the one who is seemingly unaware that her child is screaming.  You walk up and down the aisles with the sweetest grin as person after person stares in confusion...
Your kid is losing it!
No... I get it.  I'm not judging you but admiring you.  It's weird not to be the one everyone is staring at
I know It took an act of God to get you out of the house today.  It would've been much easier to just stay home, but people require the consumption of food, right?  I'd bet you took all morning preparing that screaming child for the transition from his toys to the cold outside after the ordeal of dressing and finding suitable food.  Then you walked him through a car ride and a walk around the grocery store.  You told him there would be a lot of people there.  There would be some weird smells and unusual sounds, but it would be okay because you'd go through together.  You've only been working on "social outings" for five years now, so you think there's a good chance he'll be okay...
you were wrong, but still... the food thing...

Just when you think everyone you come in contact with is running for the hills, know that there's another mom out there who gets it and seriously
It's actually how I chose friends.  Wow, that was a fun outing, I think to myself.  Everyone was staring at them for a change and not just us... nice

I see you sitting with your knitting patiently away as your child watches a movie on his ipad... brilliant, I think...
you've done this before.  You hover around your man boy and tuck in his shirt that has come loose before he exposes himself totally unaware. He frowns with the fussing and touching before echoing "See doctor. Sick" for what seemed like the thousandth time to the rest of the office (I silently wished my spoke).  You patiently pat his leg and answer "yes" as if he just asked that question for the first time.
We should be friends, I think to myself wondering what that would look like?  I think back to middle school as I wonder how to approach this wonderful gal.  "Hi. I have a Jack (everyone in the office knew his name too)."  We visited for almost an hour before our name was called and we departed hastily as patience isn't my daughters strong suit either.
My Abby is fourteen.  New friends are hard.  There are so many places I'd need to take a new friend before she'd understand me.  I've had some really great times, like the ones where she sat up on her own at two, crawled at four and walked at six.  Holding a spoon and kissing loved ones topped the charts too.  Countless therapies went into those accomplishments.  We've also had some really dark times.  Her dad carrying her out of a restaurant screaming and flailing while I sat with my head down, sobbing on the table after she pulled my hair and bit me.  Rolling her up like a burrito in a blanket to keep her from hurting herself or us.  The times she has pulled her sister's hair or dug her nails in and made them bleed.  And that is just a weekend...

I was on the phone for the better part of an hour the other day with a friend.  It was so nice to be just a friend.  I could give her an update and she understood what "crabby Abby" meant without any explanation.  I could put on the friend hat and not be "Abby's mom" for a few moments.  I could share some exciting news and she would rejoice with me.  We could cry together on the phone because I miss having someone who called me "friend".  Someone who reminded me of my purpose when it was getting lost in the chaos of daily life and survival.  I could dream about what God was doing in our lives instead of wondering where God was taking me.  Knowing God is good and that He has a good plan for our lives is one thing, but feeling it and living in the peace and joy of that reality... challenging for me.  I sometimes need a friend to love be back to that place.  Someone who likes me despite my faults and chooses to love me anyway.

I'm drawn to that crazy mom.  Sorry friends, it's not your perfection or oozing wisdom that make me want to take time I don't have to invest in you, to hear where you came from.  I want to know your mountain moments and dark valleys.  It's the beauty of your imperfections that beckon friendship. Don't pretend.
Be honest.
Be sincere.
And when my life gets messy, hang in there because I won't be scared when your life does the same.

yes. this is going up in my house... 

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