Thursday, May 22, 2014

JOY... pure JOY!

Abby took my finger last weekend and didn't dig her nails in (as is her custom), but instead seemed to be pulling me.  I didn't think much of it until I went to check on her and when she saw me she started dancing (Abby style) in her bed.  I climbed in next to her to the biggest classic Abby smile and she put her head down and cuddled into me.  "Is this what you wanted?" I asked.  She giggled.  That evening she grabbed Daddy by the finger and I quickly chimed in "Go with her!"  He quizzingly followed her as she held on to his finger and pulled him down the hall to her room.  She crawled into bed and drug daddy behind her... to cuddle!
Go ahead and get a tissue :)
She hasn't done it since, but it isn't abnormal for Abby's brain to "misfire" and we get something so calculated and real, but not see it again.  We've had "Mama" "bye-bye" and maybe a few others that never make the books because it happens for a day, a week even but disappears as suddenly as it came.  Whether it returns again or not, she is sooooo incredibly sweet these days, I can hardly describe it!  Abby Laughing and smiling are common place and super contagious!  She has the BEST smile EVER!  I know I'm a bit bias, but there is nothing like...
Not only is she happy, but she's often content.  This brings about as much joy as her laugh because she's settled.  She paces the house (seeking what she can destroy) but is happy :)
It seems like the happier she is the more destructive she is.

In case you didn't know, colored glass shatters WAY worse than clear

This was the night she pulled him into her room to cuddle!

This was the first night we actually had someone over for dinner...
She's seriously destroying stuff and not because she's angry.  I think she drops stuff just to hear it fall.  For those of you who know me, I'm not a neat freak because I can't be.  I like things organized and in their place, but I'm not going to give up a day of swimming for it... With that said, I can't keep up with this girls and the path of destruction in her wake.  We've gone to plastic cups which is stretching me because I LOVE glass and HATE plastic anything.  I actually got rid of most of my tupperware and went glass... Nice timing!  We are actually using corelle ware now!  
This is leading to something... Not a request for a pity party :D
We started home health also this week.  It is WAY different here.  I'm working on my attitude toward it as our PCAs have always been additions to our family rather than STAFF.  I've always found people or they find us through our family and friends.  These people have to come through an agency who sends folks without even meeting us.  Sure, I can refuse someone but it's not like I don't need an extra pair of hands, no matter how imperfect they are.  And if I don't want someone, say she shows up 40 min late (really happened) on her first day without any explanation or apology, I have to call the agency and say, "GO FISH."  It's all really weird to me.  How many times can I refuse before they run out of options?  I figure they'll label me high maintenance soon enough :)   I like one of the gals, but they come in with nursing garb and a badge.  It feels so impersonal.  I asked her yesterday if she had to wear a uniform or if she could just come in shorts and a tee?  Thankfully it is up to her and me.  I asked her preference and she asked mine.  I like to have "friends" over "to help" so the uniform is out :) 
Abby currently has 3-4 hours a day and I'm trying to figure out how to best use it because honestly it seems like a "high five" compared to the eleven hours she used to have.  I'm being honest.  It may sound ungrateful to those who have no help, but expectations often kill us, right?  It may end up being fine, but right now it is frustrating.  Having someone here in the evening so I can make dinner, get her ready for bed and clean up after her is a bigger help than I would've thought.  
Because God hasn't already taken such great care of us "exceedingly, abundantly more than I could ask or imagine"  I just worry about summer when she is here all day... yes, I am really worrying about that... No! I'm not proud of myself.  
"Lord, I believe... Help my unbelief"
The agency has agreed to hire anyone I find and want so I thought I'd ask the small community I know around here for some input.  The assistant in Abby's room at school is interested... YAY!  I don't really know her, but she knows Abby and what she's getting into, so I'll have her with  the other gal I like so far for the summer hopefully.  
Yes... everything is a process... painstakingly so, but I share it with you because it's so obvious that the Lord really cares... even the details.  He doesn't have to do amazingly more than I can ask or imagine, but HE does... 
I'm constantly reminded to ask Him for the big stuff... and the very small :)

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