Friday, April 18, 2014

Spring Break Florence 2014

I don't like Spring Break any more than I like Christmas break or any other break for that matter.  Saturday and Sunday are close seconds on "not the best days of the week" list these days.  Why? If you're a special needs parent you are nodding your head in agreement as you know exactly what I'm talking about...
Change in schedule
Abby is getting into the swing of things and enjoying school.  She's been catching the bus to and from school and settling into a routine.  We even have a routine in the morning and when she comes home.  Since we don't have help with her, it's basically me every day so it's easier to make it happen.  Also, it's kind of a survival technique.  With all four girls here, an infant who gets fed every three to four hours, dinner, and bedtime routines... it's better for all of us.  It's working out fairly well and Abby is a lot of work but overall quite amiable... which brings me to the weekends... and breaks.  Saturday and Sundays have been surprisingly good and fairly pleasant, but this break... I think I'm just tired and trying to do too much.  She's so cute, loving and sweet; but just a lot of work to keep an eye on.  She's pulling everything off of shelves, counters and cupboards.  She's a mess!!!  She leaves a trail wherever she's been.  I can't put things away fast enough.
They suck.  I tried to think of a better (nicer) word, but it's all I got!
I'm worn today... it's finally Friday!  Honestly, I was worn after Monday.  I planned a couple play dates for the girls (first ones since coming here) to try to make being here fun and overall they went alright.  Abby liked having people here, but she really wanted to be in the center of the action which meant her hands on our guests... :(
She's been so great.  She's even sweet to the guests in the way that she wants to be near them, but she can't be near without pulling hair, pinching skin and etc... They have no idea that she's actually good right now.  I can let her sit next to them for a bit.  She doesn't attack, but is unfortunately relentless in her constant digging of her nails into their skin.
I look like I had a fight with my cat...
I don't have a cat
 Luckily, the friends weren't completely new to kids like Abby and oddly didn't seem to mind even as much as I did.  The Thursday crew even have similar issues of their own and turns out we have A LOT in common :)

It was nice to have friends over once again, but the reality settled in... for Belle.  She processes things so differently.  I wondered when or if she would be sad... she's sad now that the reality of making new friends is settling in... it's healthy but still very sad.  I want to hold her until I can make it all go away, but I know I can't... I feel like a failure, yet I know it's God's gentle nudging her to Him... the only one who can and should fill the void.  He's the friend that will never leave.  He's the one she needs to learn to run to.  We cry together and pray :)  God is Good.

The public health nurse finally came today to evaluate how many hours Abby can get of PCA help.  I've been despairing that it would be months more before she'd come.  I can only call so many times before I annoy then to death.  As I understood it, the system is sort of arbitrary here, so I didn't want to annoy and upset her before she even got here.  I was trying to "play nice" and be patient.  My patience wore thin during spring break and I kept calling... She came :)
Every state is different and she can only authorize 15 hours a week.  Her supervisors have to approve for more.  She didn't have to be here long to see Abby requires constant supervision.  Abby smiled from ear to ear as she sat next to her... and attacked her :(  The gal was very kind, gave me her number and said she'd see what she could do to help me.  I cried... while she was here and when she left.  I had 11 hours/day in MN.  I knew it wouldn't be the same, but with Millie now... I just had higher hopes.  Hope that maybe once we got here, I could do more and make up for the difference; but this has been too much to do long term.  It's humiliating.  I'm not able.  I can't sustain this pace... I hate it, but it's what I've been given, so it's His plan.  It's my pride that must yield as I ask for help. 
"The substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen"
I don't know how this is going to work
today... tomorrow... or the next day
But I do know the God who brought us here
My strength is weak tonight, but I know He is strong
It's Good Friday
I have hope because the tomb was empty and I have a real God that is alive and my "real help in time of need"

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