Monday, February 27, 2012

vomit & silver linings

holding my hand
I woke up this morning to find Abby and her bed covered in vomit!   At 11:50am I've changed one set of sheets, swapped mattresses to let one dry after disinfecting it because someone forgot to put a mattress cover on it, scrubbed the carpet, added theives (I'm crazy into essential oils) to our air purifier and am sitting in bed with Abby lying half on me.  Andy gave her a quick bath before he took off to drop Belle off at school and head to work while I changed bedding so she could lie back down.

scooted over to lie on my lap
Abby's bed in case you haven't seen it
 I can't say I was thrilled with the idea of spending the day cleaning up this mess and trying to prevent new ones, but as I sit here in this amazing bed (thanks again to my cousin Ryan, Dustin and Andy for building it) looking out at the fresh cover of snow as the sun shines on it... I'm happy :)  Once again Abby slows down my life enough to make sure I don't miss this kind of things.  I never would've spent the day staring out the window in silent prayer and deep in my thoughts if she hadn't needed me to be next to her. That is a bit of a miracle in itself.  She is sick and she didn't calm down until I laid in her bed with her.  She climbed on me and moved around, much like a puppy does, until she settled herself on me.  She wants to curl up in my arms like most toddlers do, but...
she doesn't fit there.
She's over eighty pounds now and not too far from five feet tall, yet...
she desperately needs to be enveloped by me.
 I like that.
 sure it's tiring that she needs me here when there are a thousand other things that should be attended to (don't get me started on the house), but there have been times in the past eleven years that I couldn't pull her into my arms and make everything okay.  I remember those times when there was nothing I could do to calm her, but close the gate and walk away in my grief.

That's why I'm thankful for today.  Today I can be her mom and do something so sweet, simple and of divine importance.
I realized today that I too have spent the past month squirming into the right spot.  Trying desperately to feel better, trying to make sense of this life and not calming down until...
I feel the presence of my Heavenly Father right next to me...
holding me...
not telling me "this too shall pass" or
     "that all things work together for good..."
but simply saying, "Arise and eat" and
      "Be still and listen..."
I can do that :)
Funny I'm surprised when He knows just where I'm at and just what I need to hear :)


  1. What a beautiful post. I too know how to relish in those moments that I can make things right for my sweet girl... when more often I don't know how to help her :( heartbreaking as it is, it's these kinds of moments that wash away all the others!

  2. A heartbreaking but still wonderful post.


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