Sunday, January 29, 2012

Fighting For Joy

"Something beautiful, something good.
All my confusion He understood.
All I had to offer Him was brokenness and strife, but
He's making something beautiful out of my life."
(a song I remember from my childhood that was sung by a speaker named Ann Kiemel)

It often comes to mind when I sit open handed with nothing to give
When I've got nothing, I hand it to the one who takes my nothing and makes it into something... 

I want to be writing about how great I'm doing, but I'm just struggling...
Fighting for Joy

I know verses on suffering...  I'm not new at this
"All things work together for good to them that know the Lord..."
"Beauty for Ashes..."
James says, "Consider it joy...when you face trials of many kinds..."
2 Cor 4 "...don't lose heart, though outwardly we're wasting away inwardly we're being renewed..."
2 Cor 12 "...My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness..."
Psalm 55 "... cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you..."
...just to name a few

Preaching to myself, yet waiting on the Lord as He is the only one who can give me that peace that passes all understanding.  I can't find it alone no matter how hard I try.

In the meantime, counting my blessings...
  • My dad brought dinner over twice, and he and grandma kept Belle and MA overnight so we could take Abby out for her birthday
  • My sister brought dinner and keeps me talking instead of retreating
  • Harju's brought dinner and cried with us on more than one occasion
  • Terrie brought a plant, GF dessert and some girl time distraction
  • Molly brought roses, chocolate and then disappeared upstairs to surprise me and help the girls clean up their rooms
  • Hatfields brought GF Salmon cakes, my favorite pudding and some much needed time with friends (until past 1am)
  • Tim cleaned my kitchen
  • Danielle brought chocolate for me and some candy for Andy, but really has been my shoulder to cry on for days now and done a lot more picking up than she has to :)
  • countless phone calls, texts, emails and FB messages/posts 
  • unexpected, but sincerely appreciated cards to touch our hearts from the Pavola's & Brandon P. and the sweet gal who graciously rescheduled a Norwex party I was supposed to do last Monday
  • flowers and a card waiting for me by the door at church from the Miles
  • Dinner and a poem from a new friend... thanks Luke and Amber Olsen
  • Two Aunties plan to come over and help me clean up
  • Hugs and a lot of tears at church to mourn our baby with us
 My boyfriend...A pair of earrings, several movies nights, getting the girls up and ready for school in the morning and to bed at night, boxes of tissues, a human pillow and permanent arms around me or simply holding my hand... infinitely thankful for the other half of this "two that became one" who has held me upright... even when the tears have turned irritable.   

 Knowing this won't be easy, but more importantly that I won't be doing it alone...
I've been asked how I'm doing a lot lately.
I can honestly say, "I'm not okay right now... but I will be; although it may take some time."

*What's your "go-to verse" when you're being hit hard?  There were many shared on Saturday during Porterbrook, and I wish I would've written them down.  I held my breath to keep from breaking down while others shared, so maybe you can help me out and comment here with your verse :) 


  1. Psalm 118:7 "My child will not die, but live, and tell the works of the Lord."

    I know it's hard when your baby has already gone to heaven. But it gave me comfort knowing that my baby was NOT dead, but ALIVE in Christ, ALIVE in heaven.

    And sharing this baby's story might change someone's life.

    Love you, sweet friend.


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