Wednesday, November 23, 2011

the road toward contentment

I've been battling a lot of things in my head this past year, and I haven't had the clarity of thought in order to put it all into words... until last night.  I don't usually write until I've "defined the enemy" and could put a label on it as such.  I kept thinking my battle was lack of forgiveness, but realized last night that it was rather a lack of contentment.  Just because the road we're called to walk is uneasy and perhaps outright painful doesn't mean it is the wrong road.  I think He often allows us to walk rocky paths in order to stretch and grow us... as well as those around us.  Sometimes we come through our journey beautifully with more grace as we grow, yet other times we settle into the muck and mire as if it were a hot-spring... pretending it is just where we want to be.  We struggle against the pain and wonder if we got off track somehow or maybe we even start heading back, re-tracing our steps, in search of where we could've gone wrong?  We may even be swayed by onlookers that will chastise and ridicule us because they, like me, didn't see (or feel) the arms that have been carrying me all the way. 

He didn't bring us this far to leave us...
He didn't teach us to swim to let us drown...
He didn't build a home in us to move away (Dallas Holm). 

Last night I took a big sigh and stopped fighting for my rights.  I took a step back and realized this is the right path.  It's good.  It may even be better if I gave it a chance.  We can sometimes spend our lives trying to get back to a time of  normalcy and contentment instead of embracing the "new normal".  When we fight against where we are, we're just wasting precious time wrestling in the thorns and complaining about getting pricked when all we need to do is take the hand outstretched toward us, get up and move on.  There may be some green patches of grass behind you, but there may be full, green pastures ahead!  Stop looking behind you and move forward.  Shake off the weight that binds you down and take off.  Move!  Allow yourself to move.  Run toward what He has instead of tip-toeing backward mourning what is behind.  There is a time to mourn and a time to rejoice. Move on!

When He moves lives are changed, but when I push people to change there is resentment and uneasiness.  It's similar in many respects to marriage.  I don't want to convict my husband of anything because then I'm a nagging wife, but when I allow the Holy Spirit to work in his life, like he's doing in mine, he's forever changed.  I need to look at others in the same way I view my marriage.  I can let God work on them, like He is doing in me.  It's amazing how powerful it is to just trust Him and walk away. 

Maybe this is the road I'm supposed to be on?  Maybe this is the place I was supposed to be?  It's funny how profound the obvious can seem when I clean the smudges from my looking glass and see clearly.  This might not be where I thought I'd be, but the road is indeed a lot smoother.  There are less bumps.  I can see clearly my Father in front of me leading the way.  I don't hear the voices of the mockers today, but have a feeling if I did it would no longer matter.  "I fix my eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of my faith..." (Heb 12:2)

Ahhh...
anger and bitterness are heavy loads to bear... 
Expectations I put on myself and others are burdensome...

I feel so much lighter today. 

How many times will I have to walk this path again before I get it?
The word on the street is seventy times seven...

2 comments:

  1. oh, allison. you have such a way with words! inspiring.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lovely... thank you for writing about this, I needed the reminders.

    ReplyDelete

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