Monday, August 8, 2011

Jud

Judson walking with his mom and my friend, Alana
It's been a pretty tough month of highs and lows in the Moore house.  We've had some really great times as we took an unexpected trip to Georgia to see Andy's family.  We had a jam-packed week filled with family around all the time, which to be honest, is how we prefer to visit.  We don't get to see them very often, so we like to see them as much as they can stand while we're in town.  We've also had some extreme down times as Andy is still looking for work and we've made a move from the church plant, Arise, back to the sending church, Rock Hill.  The trip to GA was a bit of a soothing balm for us... to the point of not wanting to come back.  Once again trials bring us to our knees which is where He wanted us in the first place.  As always, His call on our lives is fluid (as someone I admired once told me  :).  It's tough when you pray about something for awhile and God answers in a way you didn't predict.  Knowing His ways are better than ours, doesn't  lessen the pain.  We view church as family, so switching back felt like a separation.  Doing what we're called to do isn't always easy, but we follow regardless.  He never guaranteed an easy path, but He did promise to be there along the way.  We've spent a lot of time alone this summer which is weird for us as our home is usually bustling with friends.

We came home for our church retreat.  The retreat included both churches, so while it was nice to see everyone together it was a little difficult as we don't completely feel a part of either right now.  If I wasn't sure of His call,I'd probably be a little down after this past weekend; but knowing difficulty doesn't mean wrong direction. Feeling His peace despite the circumstances that surrounded us kept us going.  Like I've written so many times, if I hadn't given it everything this would be easier.  If I had guarded my heart, this would be less painful.  Half-hearted isn't what we're called to.  "All in" knowing we may have disappointments or get hurt, yet doing it anyway is what we're called to do. Any change always takes time to adjust, but God is good and His grace really is amazing. It's cool to see God at work, as several people we're baptized, from both churches. Their testimonies were worth the trip alone.

I'm fortunate to have a great relationship with my sister and brother, so when it comes to treating my church family like my bio-family I have a good idea what that looks like.  If you didn't grow up with a sister or a brother, you don't have an idea what it should look like.  Or worse, maybe you had a poor relationship, so you don't have a healthy track to run on.  I have thirty plus years of practice investing in my siblings, so trusting them does come a lot easier.

All this leads to Sunday at camp.  I had done a pretty good job of keeping my composure until Sunday morning.  I just lost it and the floodgates opened.  I sat behind my good friends' son, Judson.  Jud is thirteen with a Traumatic Brain Injury.  He has some language, but it's limited.  It's been amazing to watch him grow and learn in the past six years.  He's calmed down so much.  It was amazing to see him sit through services now.  As I sat in tears unable to control the heartache I'd been feeling, Jud turned around, grabbed my hand and held it to himself.  He then switched my hand to his other one and put his arm around me and pulled me in for a hug.  He hugged me, held my hand, and patted my arm for the next fifteen minutes or so.  It was such a simple act of caring that the tears just poured out.  He spoke to my simplest need of just being loved and cared for.  He saw my tears and responded in the only way he could.  Wow... if that didn't pierce my heart.

How often do we sit and wonder, shifting anxiously in our seats, eyes darting in different directions hoping someone else will respond?  Fearing the unknown and not wanting to get involved or send the wrong message we are handicapped in our own world.  Handicapped... That's what they call Jud.  I just read a book that said, "Wouldn't it be ironic if we got to Heaven and found out they're not the ones who are handicapped, but it is us instead?"  They love with reckless abandon.  They clap and laugh when they're happy and cry when they are sad.  They don't hide their emotions or pretend to be someone they are not.  They're not afraid to feel your pain, but turn around in their seats in front of everyone and embrace.  They hold on for as long as it takes regardless of apparent appropriateness.  Waiting until the emotion fades, absorbing my pain and sharing it with me... if even for a short time.

3 comments:

  1. you have such a way with words! i'm sure arise misses you but i must say that i am so glad to have you back! our "family" just wasn't the same without you five.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Welcome home. I've certainly missed you! Thanks for the push to be sure I read this. It brought tears to my eyes. My boy truly is amazing and a rare gift from God. I am so thankful for him every single day :)

    ReplyDelete

Search This Blog

Popular Posts

Blog Archive