Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Epiphany?

I was driving to the store this week with a few girls I love on my heart.  As I prayed for their contentment with where they were in life, it occurred to me when I drifted back to my personal prayers that they were in the same as place as me...
"For I have learned to be content..." Paul wrote in II Corinthians
I'm not there

I underwent exploratory laproscopy a few weeks ago to find out I have endometriosis.  I had the option to wait a bit longer and get "fixed", but I couldn't do it
I want to feel done or not done, but I just feel confused
We've always talked about adoption, but...
We simply can't do some things
Birthing another?

We have Abby
I birthed her. we birthed her. God birthed her
What if He saw fit to go it again?
Could I go there?
Do I think I could alter His plans?
I've done birth control for years, but not entirely content in that decision either
We've battled that one, but every time we set it aside... new baby

We hang on by a thread often
we accomplish more than we think we can, but...
Today I feel I can breath on some days
I have something to give
I serve out of the overflow more often than not...

Does that mean there is room, or...?

The girls think when they reach the next step in life
job. husband. kids
it will all be good and they'll find
contentment?
not so much
there's always something...
often my flesh robs me of being content?
I say "Yes, Lord... whatever you ask of me. Anytime. Anywhere?"
Am I not hearing?
Not trusting?
Just a battle I must wrestle through?

Don't know...

1 comment:

  1. Sis, the constant thought of mine has always been, "If we are always saying, 'what happens next will be what I am waiting for' what happens when we get there?" It is the whole, What next? ideology.

    In my only real epiphany I have come to recognize, right where I am is as good as it gets here on earth. Miss you buckets!

    ReplyDelete

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