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This year is not one of them. I felt a sense of relief in releasing myself from the ritual, but still aiming to move forward with an alternative approach. I will amend and reassess my goals, but for New Year's resolutions?
I ain't doing it! (random link because she kills me... you're welcome)
Don't get me wrong. I like goals. I want proof that I've been here and made a difference... something I can see or at least a box I can check. I think it's important to assess our lives and be intentional in how we do them rather than cruising on auto-pilot or being like a pinball machine and getting knocked around without purpose.
I'm striving to quit fighting this life stage of overload and find simpler ways to make changes. Every year is different. Putting too much on myself leaves me frustrated and disappointed, but doing nothing isn't a stellar approach either.
So what do we do?
The Lord has been challenging me in themes during the past four years. It may have taken me some time to realize they were God driven goals because I've always thought of God's leading as complex and something I had to figure out like a puzzle... not so much!
Be still
The first year back in SC was hard... really, really hard. There were a lot of tears and despair, but all I kept hearing when I cried out to the LORD was, "BE STILL". I wanted to DO something to make my situation different, but I needed to give myself time to draw closer to HIM and grow before I'd be ready for what he had next. I thought it was a waste to be still until I realized it was the goal rather than the means to a goal. Being still and listening isn't a skill to master but a way of life I'd need to adapt.
Time with God is never wasted. I needed to learn the value of the quiet and trusting the process HE was walking me through. I wish I had spent less time fighting this stage instead of pushing to get through it. There is such value in leaning into the hard places until the purpose is fully brought to fruition, but we have to be tuned in to HIM to see it.
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| http://www.christianstatements.com/be-still-and-know-that-i-am-god-psalm-46-vinyl-wall-decal-3 |
Get healthy
The next year ushered in another pair of words... "GET HEALTHY". I kept wanting to feel or be different from my quiet, still place. I wanted the "hard" to go away and return to some kind of normal; but instead of getting any easier, things got harder. It was somewhere in that second year I realized I had to be the one to make changes and take steps to get healthy rather than waiting for a fairy godmother to show up and magically fix me and the crazy life swirling out of control around me.
I lived at least part of my days in despair. All I could say was, "Lord, this is too much." I wasted far too much time blaming or trying to change the situation rather than letting the Lord change me to match the place HE had me.
Instead of getting back to a healthier place, HE wanted to move me forward to a new, better place. I had to surrender my despair and start taking steps to be healthier. The steps often seemed small and insignificant, but as I strung them together, they helped me to slowly move out of despair into doing what I can do rather than lamenting what I couldn't do.
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| incourage.me |
Order your day
The third-year in SC started showing signs of life and living. Our circumstances hadn't changed, but I had. In the midst of getting healthy, I found the one thing that radically changed my life and it was asking the Lord to ORDER MY DAY.
There is one truth about my life I have fought and/or denied for the better part of almost seventeen years. I hate to admit it, but life with Abby is often... too much. Sometimes it is physical lack of sleep or caring for her growing needs. Other times it is the mounds of paperwork, scheduling, and unknowns that emotionally take their toll. No matter what the cause during each season, the reality is I cannot do this life well without God leading or carrying me.
I need Him to pick and choose what I do each day. This frees me up from the guilt of all I cannot do. I am doing what I am called to... nothing more... nothing less. HE orders my day. I hand HIM my "to do" list and listen.
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| Godminders.org |
Choose people
"CHOOSE PEOPLE" was squeezed into the midst of this past year. I have to keep choosing to invest in those around me, even when it is hard. Friendships are hard and messy.
I think I'm an easy friend because I need friends, and I have little expectations of most people. Yet maybe I'm hard for some because I ask for authenticity and digging deeper which may be too heavy at the speed of lightning I engage? I don't really have the time in my life for shallow, casual relationships. I don't care to discuss the weather or fashion trends. I'd prefer to get right to our stories and what the Lord is doing in our lives.
Even when they hurt,
even when they're hard,
relationships are always worth it.
People are always worth my investment of time.
They may be in my life to teach me something or I may be in theirs to teach them something. I may never know.
What I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt is tucked away in all those endless cups of coffee are hidden gems fashioned to walk this life arm-in-arm with me. Some people come for moments, some for seasons, but others remain for a lifetime. I've wasted far too much time mourning the distance between "kindred spirits" (Anne of Green Gables fan) rather than investing in new ones. I don't have to unload the old to make room for the new like I may have once errantly thought. God gives us what we need and he only gives good gifts.
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| bible app |
Tell your story
"TELL YOUR STORY" has been the theme of this stage of my life. I am making progress, but I still fight it. It's not that I don't want to share, but it's the vulnerability and emotion that accompanies it that causes resistance inside me.
The Lord obviously knows I need to remember HIS faithfulness to be able to trust HIM more in the future. He also knows my story encourages and challenges others.
While I desire to be a beacon of HIS light in my strength and accomplishments, HE shines brightest in my weakness. I'm learning to take the opportunities to share what HE has done and what HE is doing in our lives because it's actually crazy amazing! I also want my girls to know this kind of stuff isn't normal... but God.
Psalm 145:4-7
"One generation commends your works to another;
they tell of your mighty acts.
They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty—
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.[b]
They tell of the power of your awesome works—
and I will proclaim your great deeds.
They celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness."
New Resolutions?
So what does this year look like?
Wasting time...
Nice resolution, right?
I want to not only spend time with Jesus and human beings but to be frivolous and extravagant with it!
I know time with Jesus is never technically "wasted" but we know we waste time every day. So... If I'm going to waste time, I want to see what HE can do with it! I want to be frivolous in spending what I think is too much time with HIM and less time on what I think needs to happen.
I just finished the book Unseen by Sara Hagerty. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT! In it, she writes about the novel idea of wasting time with Jesus and it has stuck with me.
I often think the places I'm in are unproductive but am learning they may be just the opposite. They could be the greatest possible opportunity for the best return on my investment in "not busy" time. I can wrap myself in guilt from of all the activities I miss or cannot be a part of, or realize the value of the space I have to draw closer to God, family, and friends.
An unexpected benefit comes in being more purposeful in the places I chose to be rather than resenting all the obligatory places that seem to steal my time, leaving me exhausted, spent, and generally unhealthy. Hopefully, I'm also more present and pleasant when I am out. It makes me more of the person I desire to be rather than the crazy lady running around like a chicken with my head cut off? I'm not desperate for downtime or thrilled when practice is canceled because they're events we've intentionally chosen and look forward to.
If I'm going to waste time, it's going to be investing in God and people because in the end that is all that matters. Feel free to give it a try too! Let's waste time on the Lord and the people He puts in our lives!
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