|Missing this one...|
I just want to be rested in the morning and feel capable of taking on my days. I want to be enough. My deepest desire is to find a pill, an exercise, or the right inspiration that will "jack-in-the-box" me out of bed in the mornings being ready to take on my day. Instead I roll out bed willing my legs to hit the floor lest I fall on my behind, drag myself to an upright quiet place, and sit empty asking Him to carry out His plan of "...exceedingly abundantly more than I can ask or imagine..." (Ephesians 3:20).
Hope. I'm asking and hoping for more than just making it.
I'm sipping my regular coffee waiting for my chia seeds to gel and praying once again for the God of the universe to refill my cup... to overflowing.
I am empty.
I don't like being so desperate.
I have to shelf the "to do" list of doctor appointments I need to attend and those I need to make, the plans to "spontaneously have fun" with my girls, the mess of a house sprawled all around me and...
This Martha is accustomed to doing something, but there's not enough of me for that. I cannot recharge myself. I'm not supposed to. I'm supposed to be empty and come to the fountain. I'm not good at this.
I planned to go home with the girls this summer. Somehow I thought in my mind if I could only make it home, I could rest. I could trust the Lord's people to care for me when Abby was in the hospital, but I wanted "my people" to recharge my soul. He wants to do that for me.
Now I have to go to "Plan B" which should've been "Plan A" and let the Lord give me enough for today, and trust he will do it again tomorrow and the day after that. In my head I know HE is capable, but my whole being tries everything else first.
"Then Jesus said, 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.'"