103.5

Last night was about the sickest Abby has been in quite a while.  We got to see her doctor and he's amazing!  He is a gift from God.  He reminds us that there are doctors out there with heart and soul.  He squeezed us in because he knows, as well as we do, that if we have to go to the ER (urgent care wouldn't take us) that a new doctor would run every test they have on my poor angel because of her rare condition and her inability to communicate anything.  The whole process brings me to tears almost every time because she's like a lab rat.  (Please don't comment about how they're just doing their job because I know, but it still sucks).

We got a dose of antibiotics in her before she fell asleep on the red chair (Cord-a-roys large bean bag... a definite must have).  She slept right through "the heats not on" scramble and up until the delivery of a space heater from a friend.  Rocky is a parent of a close friend and he delivered it because he knew our furnace wasn't working, but he didn't know Abby was sick.  He asked if he could pray for her before he left.  Abby was stirring and we saw her bright red face as she barely got a moan out.  103.5.  I was pretty worked up wondering how we'd get any meds into her in her current state so I raced around the house as Andy and Rocky sat by her and prayed. 

I believe in prayer... I practice praying... but do I think of it more as submitting myself to His will more than making things happen.  Laying my heart open and asking because... He can.  He can do what I'm asking, but knowing full well He may chose something better than what I can see and ask for.  For instance, when I was pregnant with Abby we prayed fervently, along with many others around the world, for her healing. 
... HE CHOSE SOMETHING BETTER

With that in mind, I often submit to whatever he lays on our plate with Abby.  I pray for health, happiness, peace and stuff like that, but I don't often pray for healing because it's as if... He's already denied me that in this life.  This is the path we've been chosen to trod.  I know the why a bit more than I did when she was born, but I'll never fully understand it...
I get that...
I'm okay with that...
But I'm not a martyr...
He's called me to be something else...

Someone else had to come into my home and pray to my God for something I could or would not...
She slept through the night last night... without a fever
She woke up with it back up to 103, but I wasn't as frantic as I was last night because I had a reminder of who was and is in control
...sometimes HE stops our lives so we have time to notice... HIM
... I saw the sunrise over the snow covered trees in a beautiful blanket whitewashing my world and reminding me who he is... BEAUTIFUL