been here before

I feel a bit more like the house built on the rock that has weathered some storms.  Disappointments and challenges way beyond my comprehension have come and gone.  I'm still here.  I can look back on those valleys in my life and remember being there and what it felt like, but i also remember the steady hands that guided us through those dark times.  I also remember the mountain tops.  I think those memories are as much gifts as the ones of the low times because I see where we are today and remember where we were before.  But... by the huge grace of God we're also not the same people we were back then.  I thought the bottom had fallen out with a prenatal diagnosis, but I made it through and it's a shadow compared to the difficulties we've faced since. 

We're not broken.  The house still stands.  It definitely has more character than when we started, a few missing shutters so we can see the storms as they come  instead of being caught by surprise all the time.  The porchlight is always on as we welcome fellow travelers at all hours of the day or night.  The front door is unlocked as many of our fears have mostly faded into the past.  The swing on the front lawn squeeks methodically from years of meeting with our unseen guest of honor... who now  lives with us.  We used to have Him over when we needed somethings, kind of like a handy man, but we found that things go better if He just runs the place.

Our storms have escalated in size and fierceness, but we have more tools to make the necessary repairs a bit quicker than we used to.  The dings and nicks suffered now are less permanent than the broken bones and hearts from storms past. We fall to our knees much faster now as the sirens sound.  We don't try to hold things together on opposite ends of the place either, but get closer and ride it out together. 

There's a calm in the midst of each storm.  Now we wait for it.  We cling tighter, usually expending the most energy on calming those around us.   We know that we live in a volitile place because we chose it (or at least concented to being here).  We know the storms may come, but we also know that sweet smell and peace that comes after it passes.  There will always be rain, but it will end... He promised it. 

I like our place much better now than I did when we arrived.  It feels so much more like home.  We've added some friends here and there which help us see the light when we're covered in the muck and mire.  They've held up crumbling walls or been a strong shoulder to hang on to when we were too weak to stand alone.  So... our place is filled with blessings.  Exceedingly abundantly more than I could ask or imagine.  His promises that I'd heard of before, I now know personally. 

We've been here before...
We'll be here again...
The storms will come...
And the storms will go...
This isn't new ground, but somehow a familiar place