I heard a sermon once that has stayed with me for years now. It was on forgiveness, but the speaker hit home when he called it "extending grace". I suppose it resonated with me because I've grown up in a Christian home and forgiveness was a reflex rather than a heart decision. I guess it's like some of the things we teach our children to do before they truly understand why they do it. I don't just forgive as an act of obedience, but I extend the grace that was given first to me by my Savior. I thought I'd gotten pretty good at this in the past eight years, but a pile of forgiveness was required of me this past week, and I found myself unable to digest and truly extend grace. I don't think I'm easily offended, but every now and then I'm overtaken by so much at one time that my inability to overlook an offense (or series in this case) turns to outright anger. I find it easier to forgive when I am wronged personally, but when it is my family... mother bear kicks in and I'm ready, willing and able to "get in the ring and take care of business." I'm too good a confrontation. I enjoy a good fight, and seldom get into a fight I know I can't win. Definitely something to be proud of... (I hope you feel the sarcasm).
I return to finish this post a bit more docile. My anger has begun to subside and the Lord is working on my contentment. I live to fight another day, yet don't feel the energy to fight anymore. I'm trying to submit to His will whatever it is for us. I remember about a year after we moved here, I had to come to terms with not staying here so close to family; and now a few short years later I find myself asking Him for the strength to stay. How fickle my life and I can be. A conversation with family and a friend have lightened my load and changed my perspective once again. When I am dark in the heart everything looks worse than it is, but when I step back into the light the shadows disappear. I know where the darkness is, but more importantly I know where the light is also. I choose where I will stand... dark or light. I choose to see the good... today. Tomorrow is another day. Yesterday I reacted, today I choose to respond.
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It's all a process isn't it? ;) I miss you sis!
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