missing moments

I've found myself focusing on "getting through" lately and have been missing the moments. I've not taken the time to enjoy the journey we're on. I've said so many times in the past few years that I'm learning to live in the troubled times because we're always "On our way into trouble; in the midst of it; or coming out of it," as Dr. Falwell used to say. It's hard not to get boggled down with the "tyranny of the urgent," and miss all the sweet blessings that take place. I strive to focus on the glass half full, but every now and then I kick it to the curb and get stuck in the muck. How far into a hole must I go before I can no longer see the stars? If I'm not careful pretty soon my whole world is nothing but... dirt.

So bear with me as I recount the bypassed blessings. Sure I've had a bit more crabby Abby than I'm willing to admit to since her unhappy state isn't over a week old or necessarily all day yet to call it chronic. Andy has been out more than usual. Abby clears tables, counters and sinks now. She cannot be left alone to play because she won't. MaryAlice is moving to less naps and working on solids so she takes more focused attention. Her refusal to take a bottle and my lack of time and energy to work too much at it, means she's connected to me in more ways than I care to discuss. I do adore her so which should keep me from complaining because I know this time will pass and I will miss it terribly. I haven't had a vacation in over a year. When I change the baby I long to be the one being "pampered." I haven't "worked out" in so long that Belle didn't even know what the word "exercise" meant when Uncle Mark used it.

Let's try this again... now that I've outlined my reasons for my dark disposition. I meant to try to find the rainbows in the midst of the stormy weather, but was overtaken by my need to validate and excuse my ill focus. The sliver linings... My sweet Abby is walking better again. I can't pinpoint the reason, but am thankful just the same. She seems to be getting the hang of potty training. As soon as we can find a way for her to communicate it when we're not at home, we might be on to something I wasn't sure she'd ever do. The pool last week helped her mood for a couple of days. MaryAlice is sitting up which makes keeping her occupied during her longer wake times easier. We had friends stay overnight with us to keep us company through a couple of days during our cold snap when we couldn't leave the house. Andy built me a pantry to help declutter my kitchen. I've had house elves that have blessed me abundantly this week when I haven't had time to pick up. The Lord has blessed us with good health so far this winter and we're starting to notice Abby is filling out to look healthier. Despite my lack of exercise, I continue to lose my baby weight (albeit slow) due to my good nurser. We have a lot more scheduled predictability when Daddy is out which can be calming for me. I'm grasping a bit here. but sometimes I have to.

I have a ways to go in finding the good rather than the bad, but recognition and admitting the problem is the first step... right? I'm self aware... somtimes.