Friday, May 13, 2016

Carried in SC


Grandma spending a couple nights with  Abby
Writing can be cathartic, but in order to write I need to feel...
and sometimes the "feels" are just too much.

HELP!

"Seriously, Lord, I need my people. THIS is really all too much," I prayed. He said, "How about I show you my people?"

He reminded me... 
  • of Millie's time in the hospital and the journal of blessings I recorded during that time. 
  • the friends who had already kept our girls that past week during spring break and several more who had offered.
  • the amazing friends He had worked into my life in two short years.
  • even though I couldn't see what He was doing, I could trust Him.

Mrs Jeanette, one of her teachers from school, loving on Abby
New Blessings

"I'll be there Monday," the text from Danielle (one of the people I love most in life) popped up on my screen. "Rock Hill (our church back home in MN) is helping me come." None of us had asked for any help. Danielle just walked into church that morning and one of the assistant pastors walked up and said, "You need to go there and we're going to help get you there. Just because they moved, doesn't mean they're not still family." Heidi followed about a week later after my mom came with the help of her small group (also from our church back home).
(Go ahead and find a tissue if you need. That's the kind of folks we left in MN... family. Now you see why I was so broken to not have "My People"?)


That's great, God, but now what?

Each week there were moments of panic because it was all too much for us. We couldn't be in that many places at one time,  not to mention the sanity of trying to be. God provided one thing after another, but I still had thoughts like, "That's great God, but what about ____?" Because my faith is bipolar like the Psalmist's, I went there more times than I'd like to admit. Thankful He is faithful even when I doubt and question. He showed us once again how his blessings always outweigh the struggle.  Who else could work out over three solid weeks of people who knew us well enough to step right in and help? How does one put that kind of extravagant love into words other than just God? He was showing me over and over again that I wasn't supposed to figure things out, but He knew what I needed long before I did. The only thing I continually got from the Lord was, "Draw closer... I got this."
Cuddling with Heidi

It wasn't me

I honestly lacked the brain capacity to plan or schedule anything. Our days were ordered from above because there was no earthly way to take in that much and be able to do more than just breathe. Broken in a pool of tears was the best way to describe me during that time. I could do nothing more than hug my girls at night for a few hours and get back to the hospital with my Abby.
One of several baskets... feeling the love 

Exceedingly, Abundantly...
  • There wasn't a single day at the hospital in three weeks where there weren't multiple visitors. There were times I had to send people home without seeing Abby or tell people to delay coming because there had been too many visitors. 
  • Coffee, coffee and more coffee. I don't think I paid for a single cup in three weeks and drank it like my life depended on it. 
  • Baskets of snacks, books, chocolate, gift cards, and essential cosmetics showed up in my room from different groups of sweet friends. I was never hungry or out of snacks for even one day. 
  • Meals for my family.  We had meals for three weeks. There were even a few from people I didn't know. 
  • People just dropped off bags of groceries at the house. 
  • Because coming here and helping wasn't enough, friends back home gave Danielle money to help out while she was here. She went out and bought some groceries, and picked up gift cards. 
  • My CBS (community bible study) family took time out of their regular schedule to stop and pray for us. The leadership team also took a few minutes to write down special verses. I set them out on the table, stacked them and read through them many times. Would you believe they were all different verses? My core group spoiled me over and over again with gifts, visits, hugs and prayers. They are such amazing ladies who loved me in such personal ways. 
  • Our church friends came by daily, organized meals, brought meals and gifts, and prayed. 
  • The hospital provided meals for me every day and as long as there was room on the hall, a private room so I could stay the night close to Abby. Guests are not allowed to stay and sleep in the PICU, so I would've had to go home if they hadn't. Being there allowed me to get way more sleep than I would've otherwise. 
Prayer

I felt so defeated many times that I could do little more than bow my head in silence. I knew He was close. I trusted in a plan I couldn't see or feel. I knew my strength came from Him, but there were times I was too shattered to find the words. I coveted those who came, took my hand and prayed with us and for us. Those are times we just needed someone else to take us to the Father (Mark 2:4).

Thank you

My heart is so full as I think about those hard days, yet all those who chose to walk with us. There's something about having someone else witness your deepest darkest nights that is oddly life giving. Knowing I'm not alone in my struggles is  powerful.

I'm so grateful for all who were physically here with us, yet so aware of those who followed and lifted us up in prayer from afar.  Humbled by love doesn't even quite describe it. Every message, text, card and gift was truly treasured. Each brightened our day and reminded us that we weren't alone.

With a grateful heart, I Thank you!








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