Friday, September 19, 2014

creating a need for God

This world definitely can create a need for God, but...
Do you think as parents we try to meet all their needs and diminish their need of God?
Do we try to use our relationship with God for them  instead of pointing them to their own personal relationship? 
 At what point do we start to point our children to their God.  I aim to teach them about my God daily, but do I translate that in such a way that they see my need for Him but not their own?  Why do we go to such great lengths to make our children happy rather than cultivating a deeper joy that comes from real, legit hope?  Some days I look at my girls and wonder if I do them a disservice by making life too easy and other days feel they have it kind of tough (perception, I know)?  We see the smooth lifestyle of the typical American child and feel we need to meet or even exceed it.  Or we can get so wrapped up in the fake life people put out on social media and somehow convince ourselves that fake image is real and attainable?

Another lesson from the life of Abby

Abby was very young when we started therapy.  Our first speech therapist sat in front of her for at least six months (I could be exaggerating...) trying to get her to make the sound "ba".  It seemed like a good idea at first, but after several weeks of no progress (fyi: she still doesn't speak) I wanted to slap that therapist upside the head (I'm really not violent) because those sessions were making me crazy.  It reminds me now of the famous quote from the late Zig Ziglar (I think), "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results."
It was crazy and we eventually did see a new speech therapist, but it took us about a year to find that all specialists weren't experts in the field of "Abby".  As my brother would say, "They are practicing medicine."
All this to say...
The most profound thought I learned from a wise lady was the idea of Creating a need to communicate.  We had to not meet a highly desired want or need in order to encourage her to communicate them instead.  The problem with this was...
and I knew what she wanted before she fussed or at the very least the moment she fussed in order to try to keep her as content as possible.   She was a baby for many, many, many years.  I perfected how to meet her needs.  After spending months (years) of being poked and prodded by doctors or pushed and pulled by therapists, my heart hurt for her.  I wanted to do whatever I could to help and knowing what she needed...
I had that down to an art :)
I was so proud of myself until the therapist said she had no need to communicate...
hmmm... mom fail?
This theme has been on my mind for the past few months as I wonder how much we take away our kids' need for God by meeting all their needs and giving them more than they want or need?  I wonder why they can be so ungrateful with all they're given and all our sacrifices for them with our time and money, but then I have to look at the supplier of those perceived needs and realize it's largely my fault.
How could they understand if I don't teach them... show them... let them see the hard truths instead of hiding them from them.

How to let go and and let God answer the cries of their hearts

But we need to allow them to fall
Let them fail... lose... hurt... in a somewhat controlled environment
We need to learn how to walk them through those times holding a strong, safe hand of a parent in one hand and a huge, powerful God who really does care in the other...
instead of pulling them out of every sticky, unsettling situation?
I wonder if that's one of the reasons we want our God to pull us out of every valley we face?  We think he should just excuse us from the pains and sorrows of this life, and we're devastated when He doesn't... but we don't see that big hand, those capable arms waiting there to help us through the pain instead of out of it.
This reality of me not being enough for my middle girls has hit me hard as of late, especially... with this move... and sisters like Abby and Millie.  I've hated myself for not having enough or being enough.  Knowing I just can't do anymore, I've knelt in what I thought was failure received... hope in return.  Hope from the giver of hope... much more capable of meeting the true needs... far better than me...
I am not enough
It doesn't seem fair for sisters to have to spend so much of their lives in medical facilities or perfecting the "duck and weave" so their sister doesn't get a handful of hair, but it definitely creates a need for...
There have been so many opportunities for me to hold them in my arms as they are sad missing their family and friends or frustrated to tears with angry Abby.  Truth is... so am I.  I can tell them it is okay, or I can be honest and tell them it's not okay, but I know the one who can help us figure out how to do this better.  I can pray with them in the midst of my own tears.  I can show them where I go when I'm sad, and take them there when they are.  I can set them at the feet of Jesus and know they're in good hands.  I can tell them to pray because I know who's on the other end answering their prayers.  I'm confidant that He can heal their hearts, so I take them to his throne...
and back away...

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