Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Goodbyes...

Everyone has been asking me in the past year what I would do when these two babies left, but honestly I really didn't know because since we've become foster parents we haven't had the "left" part.  These two were our first foter kids since being licensed a year ago.  I was prepared for "they come, they go" back then, but today as I've had all the priveledges (and headaches) of  one's first year and the other's second year I'm at a different place.  I was the one who witnessed all the joys of all the "firsts".  I wonder at the permanent home that will have missed these times, and wish the system was more organized to keep these moments we've enjoyed and recorded.  They were not lost. 

I wonder at the boy turned man.  Will he remember the "mommy" who desperately loved him every moment he was in my care?  Will he somehow be able to always know that he was loved?  Will he take anything from this time?  I know he will go in a good place.  He's healthy, happy & well- adjusted.  His smile lights up a room & lit up our lives this past year.  His "I love you, You love me..." or "E-I-E-I-O" when he was being corrected,  the happiest child in the morning routine, arms wrapped around my neck "I lou you mommy," and "mommy, cuddle read book"  will not be soon forgotten.  And through all the struggles with his little sister we will remember those big empty eyes screaming incessantly, the constant vomiting, & the endless doctor visits with dismal outlooks turned into a healthy happy little girl chasing after the rest of the gang.  Her huge smile, arms wrapped around my neck with a death grip (in case I had the thought of putting her down),  Her sneaking up behind me to hug & kiss my back, Her hanging onto my legs or playing "peek" through them & bath time crazy girl will be forever planted in my head. 

If I truly trust the God I claim to serve than I let them go because, like my own kids... they aren't mine either.  They belong to Him.  If I believe in the power of prayer than I send them out with the part of my heart they claimed & ask Him to "fill me up so I can be emptied again."  I cry some tears, but let them go into His hands...very capable hands.  We took them on faith... we leave them the same way. 

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