Saturday, December 19, 2009

Positively Beautiful!

I am in desperate need of focusing on the positive, so I'm having a great morning and am relishing in it! Abby's been so much in attack mode that it's been all consuming for me, but a saw a glimmer of light this morning. Sure she was attacking and had to be brought to her room once, but we had moments where she was happy and giggling... not pulling, pinching and scratching!

The behaviorist pointed out that we should make sure we're praising her a lot when she is doing things we want to reinforce which seems obvious since we do it constantly with the babies, but it was something I totally havn't been doing. Our only interaction lately, to my dismay, has been corrective. It seems like I'm correcting her all the time. She never seems to not be hurting me or one of the kids. It's been wearing me down and I've been so frustrated with her. The focusing on the good and praising her is something we've hit hard in the past, but it didn't seem to have any affect on her then so it's kind of faded out. I guess she just didn't understand what we were doing so it was lost on her, but now that she is progressing once again she is at a stage where she needs it. I haven't really seen her giggle or play with me like she's done today. She's even come up behind me and tapped me lightly to get my attention. She did bite me, but I think it was more oral need than anger since we were cuddling on the big red chair. It's hard to have to correct her when we're loving (especially when the love is so rare), but it's at those times that it seems to have the greatest affect on her. She's cried twice today when I have corrected her. That's tough to see since her cry is sooo pathetic it makes me want to cry, but it seems to indicate that she at least is moved by the correction. Time will tell.

I realize I get too focused on the negative at times, but am powerless to change my attitude or emotions. I guess being aware of myself and realizing how easy it is to get trapped up in the dark place, and looking toward the one who is able to bring me light is the key. Especially during the holidays with all the drama that takes place. Everyone has so many expectations of family and friends that it is easy to get caught up in what should take place and be disappointed. There are so many extra events to attend that it is difficult to pick some and concede to not attending others. It took us sitting at the girls' Christmas concert last week with three babies on our laps or chasing them around the aisles to make us re-evaluate our Christmas gatherings. We simply cannot go some places. It's not possible. We'd love to attend everything, but it's unrealistic to drag all the babies out, and getting sitters is out of the question this time of year as they all have their own gatherings.

So, I'm overall pleased with what we've decided to do for Christmas save the one family gathering. I have to watch myself and pray for the opportunity to address this family feuding that essentially has nothing to do with me, but everything to do with those I love. It's tough to know when to say something and when it is simply a waste of time. So I pray for the gentleness of spirit to speak out of love when the opportunity rises and the patience to wait on the Lord to prepare hearts if He wishes to speak through me. I don't mind confrontation, but it's such a waste of breath and ignites more fires when it's not done in love and the Lord's timing. I guess I know it wouldn't be out of love right now, so I'll keep my mouth shut until I can love through Him. I guess the selfishness of some in their own worlds really rubs me the wrong way. How can one live life holding so many grudges and unforgiveness in their hearts? What a sad way to live. It's all So self centered. They don't realize how many lives their bitterness affects. I don't think it really has anything to do with us, although it had been said that our crew is a bit much (I'll concede to that), but because of it I don't get to have Christmas with my family all together.

We're doing the advent conspiracy at our church and it has been liberating as far as avoiding the pressure to buy for so many people. It's been great on many fronts from not just buying worthless stuff and stressing about it to giving more thoughtful gifts or even extravagant ones to bless someone who does actually have a need. I bought a used gift for the first time and a few handmade gifts that bless both the ones who made it and the receiver of the gift. It makes it more about the blessing than the actual present.

1 comment:

  1. why can't I find your email address? I want to send you something, and it won't work over FB. Let me know what it is please, por favor, i guess that is the only two languages in please i know...


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