Wednesday, April 8, 2009

chaos

As my brother told me recently, "Chaos plus chaos is still just chaos," so I'm trying to embrace the chaos on terms that my family and I can live with. It's alway tough to adjust expectations and start living a new reality. This wasn't exactly what I had signed up for with foster parenting. It's been a serious challenge to my physical & mental capabilities. My pride has taken a hit because I like to not just do life, but do it well... better than everyone else. Now maybe you can see why my pride NEEDED to be put in check.



Now that the dust is settling we need to find a new, different way to live. I determined awhile back that I don't just want to get through life, but I want to live it to the fullest. I believe that is what the Lord wants for us if we are following Him. I believe as we follow Him we find true joy rather than just the simple moments of happiness. My life shouldn't be driven by the circumstances of life because when it is I find myself on a rollercoaster ride rather than the scenic pleasure ride I'd prefer. Don't get me wrong, there are times when I ride the rollercoaster hanging on for dear life and sort of enjoy the rush of it all, but I don't want to live here. I can visit the amuzement park from time to time and enjoy it for the most part, but building my house there is insanity.



The older I get the more I am a believer that nuture is the greater over nature (although, as a parent, I'd like to get a pass and blame nature). Today even more so as the fragile infant that entered our home has become more of a thriving baby in less than two short months. This leads me to include you on a short note to my parents.



Dear Mom & Dad,

I know that the hand I've been dealt and the life choices I make sometimes frustrate and confuse you, but I am a product of my raising and those lessons you taught me as a child are still in play in my life today.


  • When you gave me Chuck Swindoll's Living Above the Level of Mediocrity you didn't know it would change my life

  • All the times you claimed that hardships were "building character" you were right
  • You gave me "roots to help me find my wings." I left home because you gave me the confidence that I could.

  • You taught me to find out what I believe and follow Christ... even when it's not the easiest road (it still isn't always the easiest road)
  • As you invested in the lives of others, so do I

  • Hospitality was a way of life in our home growing up... it is in ours also

  • As you taught me the value of family, so I am learning to translate that to my brothers and sisters in Christ
  • I understand the love of a Heavenly Father easier than most because I experienced the unconditional love of my earthly father
  • sending me to The Summit broadend my view of the world and helped me to understand why I believe what I believe
  • sending me to Liberty exposed me to some of the most renowned speakers and teachers of our time... my life is forever changed by the five years I spent there.
  • Ann Kiemel's books and tapes continue to impact me
  • I still tend to think I can do anything
  • Follow the Lord's leading in everything

I am the girl you raised me to be. I know you would like my life to be easier at times, but that's not necessarily the path I'm supposed to be on. The Lord never promised an easy road, but that He'd never leave me nor forsake me. I love you both with all my heart and I am grateful for the legacy you have built. Thank you...

2 comments:

  1. Well said. I love you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Allison, you are a beautiful trophy of HIS amazing grace!!

    ReplyDelete

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