Monday, February 2, 2009

New directions

I cannot believe the roller coaster ride I've been on in the past two weeks. There is so much happening around here- highs and lows. We've had on our hearts to be foster parents for some time now and are in the process of pursuing it. I don't know where it will take us, but that we must go I have no doubt- apart from the worldly logic in it.

I've patterned my life to say "Yes, Lord," yet when He calls me on it I hate to admit my doubt. I'd sure like something tangible to carry with me to verify the call as my world looks on... puzzled. How big is my God? How often He surprises me with the directions He wants to go. I'm so perplexed when He chooses not to consult me before He lays out the next move. Part of me wants time to reason it out and come to a solid plan, yet that form of communication is not of yet to be found anywhere in scriptures.

That He calls imperfect and unlikely people I am quick to acknowledge, but that it must be me I am often a reluctant servant. Oh me of little faith! Maybe we've been ready all along. Maybe our view of capability is skewed. Maybe my view of myself is limited to what I can do without His help. Maybe I let all the reasons "why not to" keep me from the "why to". Maybe my personal discomfort clouds the gravity of the needs of "one of the least of these" so I look away and justify my non action.

We tread on... wearily this week. We overcome battles we never thought we'd fight. We look for support outside of the Lord when we shouldn't need it at all. Maybe it's just the journey we will take. Once again I don't know the answers, yet I'm not guaranteed them either. Complex problems involve complex answers. Obedience is what I'm called to yesterday, today and tomorrow. Where He leads me I will go.

Excitement surprisingly begins to grow in place of the fear. The unknown is in His hands... not mine. How great is my God when He uses me in ways that are above who I am and what I am capable of outside of Him. For when I am weak He makes me strong. I am weak. Any glimpses of strength are Him... not me.

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