Sunday, November 9, 2008

questions without answers...

Once again I wipe away her tears... and then my own. I check to see if she's calmed down and fallen back to sleep. I kiss her cheek as I say a familiar prayer thanking the Lord for giving her to me and asking for help, asking for strength, asking for wisdom. After seven years of guessing why she cries I fight the urge to cuddle up next to her for the night or make a pallet on the floor like I've done so many times before so I can be next to her and will the pain or the distress she suffers to go away.

I go one way and her dad another as our hurt for her goes unspoken. We have been here many nights and choose not to voice our concerns tonight but to block them out in fear of opening pandora's box. One can't beat a dead horse. There are no answers whether we choose to discuss them or not. Talking it out doesn't erase the realities that exist or make the pills of reality easier to swallow.

Is she hurting? Can I make it go away? What do I give her? Who can help? How many times can my heart break and I what I would give to take away that pain? Why don't my prayers seem like enough?

1 comment:

  1. hi, i've just read what you wrote, and no, i dont have any answers to your question, and i dont know if thats a true pitty, i have kind the same question, but i've reached to the point where i know that maybe theres no answers at all, it just comes, and you just had to be trought it, stop wondering, start living with it, and give the best, the best that you ever thought that you can to that person who makes you enormously happy....

    best wishes, genia


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